


The Woman She Always Was

by FrozenLights



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Akali comforts Eve, Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), F/F, Gender Dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28748076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenLights/pseuds/FrozenLights
Summary: Returning home after a long day, K/DA are bombarded by paparazzi as they return home. Evelynn, normally the strong and confident face of the pop-group, is haunted by her own thoughts, and blacks out. Akali rushes Evelynn home to take care of her in a bid to help her girlfriend, meanwhile, Evelynn has to reconcile with her own painful memories.
Relationships: Akali/Evelynn (League of Legends)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 117





	The Woman She Always Was

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Dysphoria, Dysphoric Thoughts, and mention of Toxic Parent-Child Relationship

The flashing lights stayed ever-present in her mind, her skin goose-like as small shivers rushed through her body. The sound of a door shutting was the only thing that snapped the diva out of her trance. 

Evelynn’s senses came rushing back to her like a flood, the touch of soft fabric under her touch, with the faint smell of cigarette smoke loitering the air. Evelynn’s cat-like eyes scoured the dark room, witnessing the movement of bleached streaked hair tied in a high pony-tail that bound through the space, taking a soft knee at the edge of the diva’s bed.

“Darling…” Evelynn mustered as Akali slowly, yet diligently, started to unlatch Evelynn’s heels from her ankles.

“Shh, just relax. I’ll be finished in a minute.” Akali assured, placing the heels off to the side before sitting on the bed next to Evelynn.

Tears welled in the corner of the diva's eyes, a lump forming in her throat. The ever-looming thoughts of shame and fear swarmed Evelynn's mind obsessively. Despite the clear uncertainty that clouded her, Akali didn't ask any questions. Every action she took was to make Evelynn comfortable, and with that goal in mind, she prepared her for bed with increased vigor. The maknae unpinned Evelynn's buns, her long lavender hair falling loose.

Evelynn trembled with uncertainty, her breath raring to catch up to her rapidly increasing heartbeat. Troubled thoughts continued to spiral, slipping and tangling in on themselves like a barrel of snakes, desperately clinging to life. Her dry lips parted, first, attempting to catch her breath. But with the sudden intake of air, the all-consuming dysphoric thoughts which plague her mind urged themselves on the tip of her tongue, threatening to slip out.

Evelynn could feel herself start to sweat, the flashing lights from the paparazzi flooding her mind again. Most days she could handle the constant barrage of bodies and insistent questions. But today…

“Darling, how do you do it?” Evelynn’s voice trembled, her golden eyes taking a quick glance at the adjacent mirror. Despite the persistent help and accompaniment of her lover, Evelynn felt isolated. Her eyes glazed over the reflective glass, her mind couldn’t help but painfully obsesse over every single feature. A wash of disgust grew inside of Evelynn, one that tore down any ounce of self-confidence she had attempted to build up. 

She wanted to love the woman she saw in the mirror, but some days that proved sickeningly difficult. 

“What do you mean?” Akali asked cautiously, cupping Evelynn's face before bringing a towel to wipe the sweat which drenched her forehead, forcing the latter's eyes away from the pained gaze at the mirror. 

“How can you love...someone like me?” Evelynn asked temperedly, her eyes not daring to look over at her partner.

Akali’s breath was light as if she were trying to keep her presence as small as possible. Akali lowered the towel in her hand and rested her open palm on Evelynn’s thigh, ghosting the skin lightly in a rhythmic yet soothing pattern, doing her best to try and comfort her girlfriend. “Is that because of all the shitty propaganda and rumors about missing exes? I don’t care about any of that. I love you for who you are, Eve.” Akali assured. 

A dry chuckle escaped from Evelynn's throat, her head shaking dismissively as she knew Akali was purposefully avoiding the topic which plagued her mind. “None of it bothers you? You aren’t worried that I might kidnap you in the middle of the night and you’ll never be seen or heard from again?” Evelynn finally braved a look into Akali’s cerulean eyes, and in those soulful hues, she could feel a resonating strength and comfort, one that seemed to embrace her all too well. 

“Nah, if you were gonna do that I’m sure you wouldn’t have taken two years to do it. But...I know _that_ is not what’s bothering you.” Akali spoke softly, scooting in close enough to where her legs were finally touching Evelynn’s. “What can I do to help?” The maknae spoke readily, the same comfort and warmth which resonated in her eyes now spoken in her words. 

Evelynn felt like she could finally breathe, but her gaze turned away from her lover in fear. She felt stupid for reacting in such a manner. After all, despite her dysphoric thoughts, Akali was always ready to prove them wrong. Yet whenever they took hold of her mind Evelynn couldn't help but feel subservient to them. She knew she couldn't run from it. One look in the mirror told her that. 

She needed to face it. 

With a shaky exhale Evelynn closed her eyes, her expression holding a charged grimace as her heart continued to race impudently. “Every day I do my best to uphold a facade of strength. If I don’t, the public will eat me alive.” Evelynn’s voice wavered, but the soothing repetition of Akali’s hand kept her grounded. “Truth be told, I’m scared. I always have been. Today I just let it slip.”

“Eve…”

“Did I ever tell you how I came out?” Evelynn asked abruptly. The diva was asking, but she already knew that Akali’s answer would be ‘no’. Evelynn’s lips trembled as she started to recall the events in her mind, some memories good, some memories she’d rather stay in the past. But it was all in service for the woman she saw in the reflection, not one she would change.

Akali’s head shook slowly from side to side, serving as a silent ‘no’. With a deep breath, Evelynn bravely decided to proceed. “Well, it was by no means _easy_ for me. My family always had **expectations**. How could they not? After all their success they had very specific ideas for my future. So when I came out, that was _not part of the plan_.” Evelynn spoke incredulously with a hint of pain.

“My father reacted better than my mother, but that didn’t stop them from trying to tell me who I was. I was seven when I first came out, and they just...laughed it off. Told me it was a _phase_. But I knew it wasn’t **just a phase**. I knew who I was. Who I **am**. I saw the girl in the mirror, and I wasn’t going to give up on her.” 

Evelynn’s breath wavered, but Akali’s silent yet caring presence grounded her. She always felt the need to put up such strong facades in public, but she was glad that, at least with Akali, all those barriers could be stripped away.

“They tried every tactic in the book to get me _on the right track’_. They refused to see who I am. To get me the help and resources that I needed. Despite all the shame they inflicted on me, I tried _everything_ to please them, to make them finally come around. It...never happened.” 

Evelynn's breath hitched as she attempted to speak again, but instead, her body just started to tremble. “Eve, you don’t need to continue if you don’t feel comfortable.” Akali assured as she stopped ghosting her hand over the diva’s thigh, moving her hand to Evelynn’s back.

Evelynn shook her head in response, doing everything in her power to calm her racing heart. “Darling, what happened today...I hate this shame I feel. If I show weakness, they’ll eat me up alive. But inside I struggle with it every day. I know I shouldn’t, but I question if I deserve _anything_ I’ve gotten. Any love or adoration I’ve received. I know I’m not, but I can hear my parent's voices in my head, telling me that I’m living a lie. That I’ve only reached this success because I have _lied_ my way here. And it only fuels that _other voice_ that tells me I don’t deserve everything I’ve gotten because of who I am. That I somehow don’t deserve...you.” Tears started to roll down Evelynn’s cheeks, her chin collapsing down as the freshly stained droplets which adorned her cheeks dripped down to her thighs.

“Shhh. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Akali reassured with her grasp around Evelynn tight. “...And, I’m not going anywhere. I love you because you are _you_ , Eve. I wouldn’t change anything about that.”

Evelynn’s mouth opened as silent sobs escaped her parted quivering lips. The lavender haired woman looked up to Akali with trembling eyes, and at that moment she knew she had forgone all her strength, but she didn’t need it. Even if it was just at this moment, Akali held the strength she needed. “...Thank you, darling.” Evelynn squeaked. 

With a deep breath, Evelynn nuzzled into her partner, the two of them wrapping their arms around one another. Despite her few words, Evelynn knew what Akali had meant. Evelynn _did_ deserve everything she earned. All her success, all her love, _and_ her happiness: no matter what her torturous dysphoric thoughts told her. 

With a deep breath, she opened her eyes again and looked to the far wall where the tall mirror stood. In its visage, she could see Akali holding her, with mascara teardrops rolling down her own cheeks.

But Evelynn saw more than that. She saw the woman in the mirror. And despite the dysphoric shame and pain which plagued her mind, she loved her. A small smile slipped on her face, the raging war of conflicted emotions inside drawing quiet as her eyes rested on the woman she always was.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this short one-shot! As with most of my stories on here, I was inspired by my own sort of emotions and thoughts and how I have dealt with them, so I wanted to showcase that with Evelynn in this story. A combination of Caelli on twitter ([who posted this very inspirational art](https://twitter.com/im_caelli/status/1349410042018209792)) and [this Evelynn post](https://twitter.com/KDA_MUSIC/status/1313101641034477568?s=20) on K/DA's twitter are what really pieced this one-shot together. Speaking of Caelli, you can read her fics [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_caelli/pseuds/im_caelli). :)
> 
> This was a very self-indulgent fic, so if you enjoyed it then I'm glad, but I sorta expect only I will really like it...Anyways, until next time!


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